Religion 333 Practicum Project

In my religious class, I was asked to study the Prophets and Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and do a Practicum project. Here it is. I have taken these quotes from their talks. I focused on eight different principles of teaching. The eight principles of teaching are: Jesus Christ, Family, Agency, Addiction, Desire, Hope, Revelation, and Gratitude, which is my favorite, because I am grateful for Christ. Note: I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and while I am a member my understanding of the doctrine is not completely sufficient. I was grateful for this assignment, because it helped me understand God’s plan better. It helped me better understand how to handle this world, and taught me Prophets and Apostles can be great guides during of journey back to God the father and His son Jesus Christ. Each principle of belief will have ten quotes and while a few quotes are not from Prophets and Apostles of the Church, most are. Also General Conference is a biannual meeting where there are many speakers, and these quotes are a part of a greater speech.

Christ: We of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe that Jesus is the Christ. He came to earth as a God to save all mankind from sin, if we will repent and turn to Him, covenanting to never abandon his law and principles. We rely on our faith in Christ to follow Him, hoping to be “more than conquerors through him that loved us” (Romans 8:37). And nothing “Shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:39). We love and worship Christ, loyally and faithfully, knowing He will come again to save His children from our perils.

1). “Our beloved Savior knows where you are. He knows your heart. He wants to rescue you. He will reach out to you. Just open your heart to Him. It is my hope that those who have strayed from the path of discipleship—even by only a few degrees—will contemplate the goodness and grace of God, see with their hearts, learn from Alma and Amulek, and hear the life-changing words of the Savior: ‘Come, follow me.’” –President Dieter F. Ucthdorf. “Learn from Alma and Amulek.” October 2016. General Conference.

2). “When necessary the Lord will even carry you over obstacles as you seek His peace with a broken heart and a contrite spirit.” –President Dieter F. Ucthdorf. “Waiting on the Road to Damascus.” April 2011. General Conference.

3). “The important questions focus on what matters most—Heavenly Father’s plan and the Savior’s Atonement.” –Elder M. Russell Ballard. “Stay in the Boat and Hold On!” October 2014. General Conference.

4). “As the Savior’s latter-day disciples, we come unto Him by loving and serving God’s children. As we do, we may not be able to avoid tribulation, affliction, and suffering in the flesh, but we will suffer less spiritually. Even in our trials we can experience joy and peace.” –Elder Robert D. Hales. “‘Come, Follow Me’” by Practicing Christian Love and Service.” October 2016. General Conference.

5). “’If we love the Savior more, will we suffer less?’” –Elder Robert D. Hales. “‘Come, Follow Me’” by Practicing Christian Love and Service.” October 2016. General Conference.

6). "When the focus of our lives is on God’s plan of salvation, which President Thomas S. Monson just taught us, and Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives. Joy comes from and because of Him. He is the source of all joy. We feel it at Christmastime when we sing, “Joy to the world, the Lord is come.” And we can feel it all year round. For Latter-day Saints, Jesus Christ is joy!” –Elder Russell M. Nelson. “Joy and Spiritual Survival.” October 2016. General Conference.

7). “As our Savior becomes more and more real to us and as we plead for His joy to be given to us, our joy will increase.” –Elder Russell M. Nelson. “Joy and Spiritual Survival.” October 2016. General Conference.

8). “The remarkable and celestial blessing of the Savior’s Atonement is that through repentance, sinful conduct is blotted out.” –Quinten L. Cook “Valiant in the Testimony of Jesus.” October 2016.

9). “To be valiant, we need to focus on the power of Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice to overcome death and, through our repentance, to cleanse us from sin, and we need to follow the doctrine of Christ.” –Quinten L. Cook “Valiant in the Testimony of Jesus.” October 2016.

10). “She testifies that “there is no grief, no pain, no sickness so great that the Atonement of Christ and the love of Christ cannot heal.”” Cook “Hope Ya know, We had a Hard time” October 2008.

Family is everything to eternity. Eternity is less pleasing without loved ones nearby. We in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe that we are all children of God, literal brothers and sisters under a Loving Father in heaven. We believe God had a plan for our happiness and sent us to an earth to be tried and given opportunities to grow, even under trial and hardship. God planned the family as carefully as he has planned any other design. God structured the family to be the unit of the eternities, because we are given the opportunity to live with families forever and families are meant to strengthen our earthly life. This is why we build temples. The temples are holy houses where people can be sealed or eternally connected to family members forever.  

1). “President Boyd K. Packer stated, ‘The ultimate purpose of all we teach is to unite parents and children in faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, that they are happy at home, sealed in an eternal marriage, linked to their generations, and assured of exaltation in the presence of our Heavenly Father.’” -Elder Gary E. Stevenson. April 2009. General Conference.

2). “Brothers and sisters, accepting and living the gospel of Christ can be challenging. It has always been thus, and it ever will be. Life can be like hikers ascending a steep and arduous trail. It is a natural and normal thing to occasionally pause on the path to catch our breath, to recalculate our bearings, and to reconsider our pace. Not everyone needs to pause on the path, but there is nothing wrong with doing so when your circumstances require. In fact, it can be a positive thing for those who take full advantage of the opportunity to refresh themselves with the living water of the gospel of Christ.” –Elder M. Russell Ballard. October 2016. General Conference.

3). “As we ask these questions, we realize that the purpose of our life on earth is to grow, develop, and be strengthened through our own experiences.” – Elder Robert D. Hales. October 2011. General Conference.

4). “Parents, you are called to be loving teachers and missionaries to your children and youth. They are your investigators. You bear the responsibility to help them become converted. In truth, all of us are seeking to be converted—which means being filled with our Savior’s love.” –Elder Robert D. Hales. October 2016. General Conference.

5). “When an opportunity comes to share your thoughts about the gospel and the lessons of life, stop everything, sit down, and talk with your children and grandchildren.” –Elder Robert D. Hales. October 2016. General Conference.

6). “Before we were born, we lived in a family with our exalted and eternal Heavenly Father. He ordained a plan that enables us to advance and progress to become like Him. He did it out of love for us.” –President Henry B. Eyring. April 2016. General Conference.

7). “In our home and in our priesthood service, the greatest value will be in the small acts that help us and those we love work toward eternal life. Those acts may seem small in this life, but they will bring everlasting blessings in eternity.” –President Henry B. Eyring. April 2016. General Conference.

8). “Not only can we turn the doors of our homes to the temple, or the house of the Lord; we can make our homes a ‘house of the Lord.’” -Elder Gary E. Stevenson. April 2009. General Conference.

9). “In all of these family council settings, electronic devices need to be turned off so everyone can look at and listen to each other. During family councils and at other appropriate times, you may want to have a basket for the electronic devices so when the family gathers, everyone—including Mom and Dad—can deposit his or her phones, tablets, and MP3 players in the basket. Thereafter, they can counsel together without being tempted to respond to a poke on Facebook, to a text, to Instagram, to Snapchat, or to email alerts.” –Elder M. Russell Ballard. “Family Councils.” April 2016. General Conference.

10). “[Lucifer] attacks everything that is sacred about human sexuality, tearing it from the context of marriage with a seemingly infinite array of immoral thoughts and acts. He seeks to convince men and women that marriage and family priorities can be ignored or abandoned, or at least made subservient to careers, other achievements, and the quest for self-fulfillment and individual autonomy.” –Elder D. Todd Christofferson. “Why Marriage, Why Family.” April 2015. General Conference.

Agency is a divine gift from God. It is the gift to make choices. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we believe that we lived with God before this life. We believe that He taught us and gave us the ability to reason and make decisions. We as a church, call this agency, as we are agents unto ourselves. We are commanded to choose to follow Christ, and we are blessed when we do so. Agency is to be used to obey God, because only through following a Christ like life can eternal life be obtained. We cherish agency, and below are 10 quotes from our Prophets and Apostles, teaching about agency. 

1). “God will invite, persuade. God will reach out tirelessly with love and inspiration and encouragement. But God will never compel—that would undermine His great plan for our eternal growth.”-Elder Dieter F. “Fourth Floor, Last Door.” October 2016. Ucthdorf. General Conference.

2). “Agency must be understood.” –Elder Russell M. Nelson. “Addiction or Freedom. October 1988. General Conference.

3). “Often, however, agency is misunderstood. While we are free to choose, once we have made those choices, we are tied to the consequences of those choices. We are free to take drugs or not. But once we choose to use a habit-forming drug, we are bound to the consequences of that choice. Addiction surrenders later freedom to choose.” –Elder Russell M. Nelson. “Addiction or Freedom. October 1988. General Conference.

4). “To be tested, we must have the agency to choose between alternatives. To provide alternatives on which to exercise our agency, we must have opposition.” –Elder Dallin H. Oaks. April 2016. General Conference.

5). “There would be no agency or choice by anyone and, therefore, no need for opposition. There would be no test, no failure, and no success. There would be no growth to attain the purpose the Father desired for His children.” –Elder Dallin H. Oaks. April 2016. General Conference.

6). “It is God’s will that we be free men and women enabled to rise to our full potential both temporally and spiritually.” –Elder D. Todd Christofferson. “Free Forever, to Act for Themselves.” 2014.

7). “But God intends that His children should act according to the moral agency He has given them, “that every man may be accountable for his own sins in the day of judgment.” –Elder D. Todd Christofferson. “Free Forever, to Act for Themselves.” 2014. General Conference.

8). “The biggest business of any life is making decisions. While one of the greatest gifts of God to man is … the right of choice, he has also given man responsibility for these choices.” –President Ezra Taft Benson. Teachings of the president of the Church. General Conference.

9). “If you have not chosen the kingdom of God first, it will in the end make no difference what you have chosen instead.” –Elder Neil A. Maxwell. “Response to a Call” April 1974.

10). “Latter-day Saints are not obedient because they are compelled to be obedient. They are obedient because they know certain spiritual truths and have decided, as an expression of their own individual agency, to obey the commandments of God.” –Elder Boyd K. Packer. April 1983. General Conference.

Addiction is a slippery slope that when fought alone is often left un-won. We in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believe that any action that inhibits our ability to act for ourselves can be an addiction. That includes urges driven by substances that overrule the mind, smoking for example. Similarly, habits can overrule our behaviors as well, like pornography. The mind can be manipulated to ruin through lustful addictions to pornography. People can be snared and destroy relationships through pornography, because the lustful drive overrides their hopes and desires. Lust subjects them to the power of their addiction instead of to the power of their will. We believe that Christ can help heal the soul, but that we must seek Him. He is knocking. Let Him in.

1). “Eternal perspective. Combined, my spiritual prescription would return the gift of agency to its rightful owner.” –Elder Russell M. Nelson. “Addiction or Freedom.” October 1988. General Conference.

2). “Choose to Be Alive. Choose to Believe. Choose to Change. Choose to Be Different. Choose to Exercise. Choose to Be Free.” –Elder Russell M. Nelson. October 1988. General Conference.

3). “There is hope for the addicted, and this hope comes through the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ.” –Elder M. Russell Ballard. October 2010. General Conference.

4). “He uses addiction to steal away agency. According to the dictionary, addiction of any kind means to surrender to something, thus relinquishing agency and becoming dependent on some life-destroying substance or behavior.” –Elder M. Russell Ballard. October 2010. General Conference.

5). “Addictions often begin subtly. Addictions are thin threads of repeated action that weave themselves into thick bonds of habit. Negative habits have the potential to become consuming addictions.” –Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf. “Are You Sleeping Through The Restoration?” April 2014. General Conference.

6). “It saddens our Heavenly Father to see how willingly some of His noble sons extend their wrists to accept the chains of devastating addictions.” –Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf. “Are You Sleeping Through The Restoration?” April 2014. General Conference.

7). “Many children, youth, and adults are innocently exposed to pornography, but a growing number of both men and women are choosing to view it and are drawn back repeatedly until it becomes an addiction. These individuals may desire with all of their hearts to get out of this trap but often cannot overcome it on their own. How grateful we are when these loved ones choose to confide in us as parents or a Church leader. We would be wise not to react with shock, anger, or rejection, which may cause them to be silent again.” –Sister Linda S. Reeves. “Protection from Pornography –A Christ-Focused Home” April 2014. General Conference.

8). “The battle over man’s God-given agency continues today. Satan and his minions have their lures all around us, hoping that we will falter and take his flies so he can reel us in with counterfeit means. He uses addiction to steal away agency. According to the dictionary, addiction of any kind means to surrender to something, thus relinquishing agency and becoming dependent on some life-destroying substance or behavior.” –M. Russell Ballard. “Oh That Cunning Plan of the Evil One.” October 2010. General Conference.

9). “[Moroni 7:48] and many other scriptures testify to us there is hope for the addicted, and this hope comes through the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ and by humbling oneself before God, pleading to be freed of the bondage of addiction and offering our whole soul to Him in fervent prayer.” –M. Russell Ballard. “Oh That Cunning Plan of the Evil One.” October 2010. General Conference.

10). “If you are bound by a habit or an addiction that is unworthy, you must stop conduct that is harmful. Angels will coach you, and priesthood leaders will guide you through those difficult times.” –Elder Boyd K. Packer. “Cleansing the Inner Vessel.” October 2010. General Conference.

Desire: What we desire is often what we seek in life. When it comes to the gospel of Jesus Christ, we must desire to follow the Lord over mammon. Desire is the gateway into revelation and faith. We must first seek the Lord, knock, and we will behold His beauty pouring down upon us. These quotes from Prophets and Apostles may seem vaguely tied to desire, but they all deal with our focus, dreams, mindset, and inclination toward righteousness or sin.  

1). “Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions. The desires we act on determine our changing, our achieving, and our becoming.” –Elder Dallin H. Oaks. “Desire.” April 2011. General Conference.

2). “Stay focused on these simple things, and avoid becoming distracted.” –Elder M. Russell Ballard. “Stay in the Boat and Hold On.” October 2014. General Conference.

3). “My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.” –Elder Russell M. Nelson. “Joy and Spiritual Survival.” October 2016. General Conference.

4). “Eternal perspective. Combined, my spiritual prescription would return the gift of agency to its rightful owner.” –Elder Russell M. Nelson. “Addiction of Freedom.” October 1988. General Conference.

5). “As Elder Ballard has taught, “A most significant evidence of our conversion and of how we feel about the gospel in our own lives is our willingness to share it with others.” –Elder Dallin H. Oaks. “Sharing the Restored Gospel.” October 2016. General Conference.

6). “Some of these tests are temptations to sin. Some are mortal challenges apart from personal sin. Some are very great. Some are minor.” –Elder Dallin H. Oaks. “Opposition in All Things.” April 2016. General Conference.

7). “We cannot afford to have our testimonies of the Father and the Son become confused and complicated by stumbling blocks. We cannot fall into that trap. Our testimonies of Them need to remain pure and simple like my father’s simple defense of the power pole on the ranch where he grew up.” –Quinten L. Cook “Valiant in the Testimony of Jesus.” October 2016.

8). “But we also know that the preferred strategy of the adversary is to lead people away from God and cause them to stumble by emphasizing the philosophies of men over the Savior and His teachings.” –Quinten L. Cook “Valiant in the Testimony of Jesus.” October 2016.

9). Russell M. Nelson said, “If they desire to enjoy every bloom in His beautiful bouquet, they must repent.” D. Todd Christofferson. “Abide in My Love” October 2016.

10). “Never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart.” Uchtdorf “Forget Me Not.” October 2011.

Hope is found in and through Jesus Christ. We hope for greater things, because of Him. We can have a surety that if we follow Christ we will be blessed by His bounteous hand. We are hopeful for a better world because of Christ. Hope is an assurance that dispels fear and doubt, because we know there are better things yet to come. Hope defies stress and anxiety. So be hopeful!

1). “His life was brought into compliance with the teachings of the Church, and he once again felt hope and joy.” –President Monson. “Be of Good Cheer.” April 2009. General Conference.

2). “My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.” –President Monson. “Be of Good Cheer.” April 2009. General Conference.

3). “We know from our doctrine that good will overcome evil, and those who repent and are sanctified shall be given eternal life.” –Elder Quinten L. Cook. “Hope Ya know We had a Hard time.” General Conference.

4). “We can be assured that He is there and we are safe in His loving arms.” –Elder Quinten L. Cook. “Hope Ya know We had a Hard time.” General Conference.

5). “Each of us can experience the ecstasy of divine potential unfolding within us” –Elder D. Todd Christofferson. “Abide in My Love.” General Conference.

6). “Hope in God, His goodness, and His power refreshes us with courage during difficult challenges.” –Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf. “The Infinite Power of Hope.” October 2008. General Conference.

7). “Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness. Its absence—when this desire of our heart is delayed—can make ‘the heart sick.’” –Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf. “The Infinite Power of Hope.” October 2008. General Conference.

8). “The Lord has given us all the source of hope as we struggle to help those we love accept their eternal inheritance. He has made promises to us as we keep trying to gather people to Him, even when they resist His invitation to do so.” –Elder Henry B. Eyring. April 2014. General Conference.

9). “After all we can do in faith, the Lord will justify our hopes for greater blessings for our families than we can imagine. He wants the best for them and for us, as His children.” –Elder Henry B. Eyring. April 2014. General Conference.

10). “But even though we may feel lost in the midst of our current circumstances, God promises the hope of His light—He promises to illuminate the way before us and show us the way out of darkness.” –Elder Dieter F. Ucthdorf. “The Hope of God’s Light.” April 2013. General Conference.

Revelation is divine communication and guidance from God to his children. The Prophet is God’s spokesman as a church, meaning he receives revelation for God’s church, but we as children of God can receive personal revelation. In Peter we learnt that God gives answers to those who seek with true intent. We are allowed answers to prayers, but answers are not always miracles. Sometimes answers are small feelings of comfort and reassurance. Peter was the Prophet and was promised revelation for the church, but the members were promised to be comforted. God is willing to speak to us.

1). “Often He speaks to us in ways that we can hear only with our heart. To better hear His voice, it would be wise to turn down the volume control of the worldly noise in our lives. If we ignore or block out the promptings of the Spirit for whatever reason, they become less noticeable until we cannot hear them at all.” –Elder Dieter F. Ucthdorf. April 2011. “Waiting on the Road to Damascus.” General Conference.

2). “Our Father in Heaven expects us to study it out first and then pray for guidance as we seek answers to questions and concerns in our personal lives. We have our Heavenly Father’s assurance that He will hear and answer our prayers. The answer may come through the voice and wisdom of trusted friends and family, the scriptures, and the words of prophets.” –Elder Dieter F. Ucthdorf. April 2011. “Waiting on the Road to Damascus.” General Conference.

3). “Never fail to give equal time to the Lord through honest attempts to understand what the Lord has revealed.” –Elder M. Russell Ballard. October 2016. “To Whom Shall We Go?” General Conference.

4). “Waiting upon the Lord means pondering in our hearts and ‘receiv[ing] the Holy Ghost’ so that we can know ’all things what [we] should do.’” –Elder Robert D. Hales. October 2011. General Conference.

5). “Personal revelation is the way we know for ourselves the most important truths of our existence: the living reality of God, our Eternal Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ; the truthfulness of the restored gospel; and God’s purpose and direction for us.” –Elder Robert D. Hales. October 2007. General Conference.

6). “The Spirit will lead you along. I promise you: the calling to be a parent includes the gift to teach in the ways that are right for you and for your children. Remember, God’s power to influence us righteously is His love. ‘We love him, because he first loved us.’” –Elder Robert D. Hales. October 2016. General Conference.

7). “Let us remember, the most important work we do in our families is through the power of the Holy Ghost.”-Elder Robert D. Hales. October 2016. General Conference.

8). “Revelation is communication from God to His children on the earth and one of the great blessings associated with the gift and constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.” –Elder David A. Bednar. April 2011. General Conference.

9). “Sincere desire and worthiness invite the spirit of revelation into our lives.” –Elder David A. Bednar. April 2011. General Conference.

10). “The Holy Ghost communicates important information that we need to guide us in our mortal journey. When it is crisp and clear and essential, it warrants the title of revelation. When it is a series of promptings we often have to guide us step by step to a worthy objective, for the purpose of this message, it is inspiration.” –Elder Richard G. Scott. April 2012. General Conference.

Gratitude is the ability to be thankful. It is a difficult thing to always be grateful, because it means you see what is good even in hard times. Gratitude is holy, because we glorify God by thanking him. We can have a worshipful attitude by giving God thanks. When we are grateful, our hearts turn toward the Lord, because he is the source of all good things (Moroni 7). Gratitude is a noble trait to hold to, because it refines your character and guides you toward Christ. I am grateful for Jesus Christ saving me.

1). “Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God’s love.” –President Thomas S. Monson. “The Divine Gift of Gratitude.” October 2010. General Conference.

2). “And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.” (D&C 78:17-19) –Elder Henry B. Eyring. “Gratitude on the Sabbath.” October 2016. General Conference.

3). “As we partake of the bread and water, we remember that He suffered for us. And when we feel gratitude for what He has done for us, we will feel His love for us and our love for Him.” –President Henry B. Eyring. “Gratitude on the Sabbath.” October 2016. General Conference.

4). “In the scriptures, the word wait means to hope, to anticipate, and to trust. To hope and trust in the Lord requires faith, patience, humility, meekness, long-suffering, keeping the commandments, and enduring to the end.” – Elder Robert D. Hales. “Waiting upon the Lord: They Will Be Done.” October 2011. General Conference.

5). “We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues.” –President Thomas S. Monson. “An Attitude of Gratitude.” April 1992. General Conference.

6). “Those who are obedient to the Lord’s commandments and who faithfully observe the Word of Wisdom are promised particular blessings, among which are good health and added physical stamina.” –President Thomas S. Monson. “Obedience Brings Blessings.” April 2013. General Conference.

7). “Our foremost gratitude should be for the Savior and His Atonement.” Cook “Hope ya know, we had a bad day” October 2008.

8). “My brothers and sisters, to express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven.” –President Thomas S. Monson. “The Divine Gift of Gratitude.” October 2010. General Conference.

9). “Our realization of what is most important in life goes hand in hand with gratitude for our blessings.” –President Thomas S. Monson. “Finding Joy in the Journey.” October 2008. General Conference.

10). “Let us follow Him. Let us emulate His example. Let us obey His word. By so doing, we give to Him the divine gift of gratitude.” –President Thomas S. Monson. “Finding Joy in the Journey.” October 2008. General Conference.

Retribution Part One of Three

“When retribution is over what will be left of me?”

“My life, no longer their’s to keep.

“ENOUGH. Focus.”

Footsteps sound in the corridor. The crafts lights flashing red, alarms screaming. His senses dull. His head is unable to focus on one thing, but it has to. The footsteps are closer. He balances against the cool dark grey metal wall. His feet weak, unsteady. He sees the form turn the corner, fully armored carrying a weapon. He expects the creature, but it does not expect him. He grabs the firearm, thrusting his body against the armored Hen’ethen, twisting it’s arm. It’s lurching nuzzles the gun into it’s chest. He pulls the trigger. Yellow plasma splatters behind it all over the wall, leaking down onto his bare arm and tattered clothing from the hole in the creature.

He pries the weapon from the Hen’ethen, rolling it over as it falls to the ground. He heaves the weapon away and tries to balance.

Looking down at the thing crumpled over made him sick with rage. He kicks the things face, stomping, maddened by the sounds of his own screams and the end of the whip. “Stop!” he screams at it, trying to stop it from hurting him, but his pain comes from smashing his heel into the creatures boney face.

            He falls, unbalanced by a kick. His mind orients enough to remember the lights, the sounds. He doesn’t recognize where he is. He looks around the corner, down the corridor and sees nothing. He stops.

            “They can hear me. They always hear me. They now I am out.” He turns, looks at his cell and knows he will be safe there. His feet turn, bloody, back toward the cell. Broken, he stands staring and closes his eyes. He wants everything to go away. Why wont it just go away?

In the darkness, he feels himself feeling the wall. He knows it well. It’s his cell, small but comforting. Then the door opens, blinding light and the pain!

He opens his eyes, turning so quickly away from the cell he falls. He drops the weapon as he scampers on all fours to get up. He never stops running.

He tries to escape the sound blaring in his ears. When he passes the speaker he growls and sees no threat, never slowing. His running is interrupted by his feet sliding underneath him, slick with blood and wobbling with soreness.

“Na’grenth!”

He looks and sees three Hen’ethen running towards him, down an adjacent corridor. He tries to run faster. His heel numb as it slams into the metal ground. He doesn’t slow to the pain. Fear is an anticipation of pain. His mind’s terror is stronger than reality and their noise brings fear. He doesn’t slow down as a turn comes and his body collides with the wall to slow him. He uses it to push from, but only one arm works. The other dangles limply as he runs, the one that hit the wall. With his flailing arm, twisting in attempt to separate itself from the body, he looks behind himself. He sees them closer. He sees a vent hole. It’s skinny, too skinny for him, but they are too fast. He runs to it, turning his body to angle with the vertical slit. He quickly forces his emaciated body through the gap. His hip catches a grove and pain shoots down his leg. Skin curls around the open gash in his side. The blood is warm and he can feel the cut and his foot throbbing to the pumping of his heart as he stops deep in the vent.

His breathing is regulating in smaller and smaller rasps. His size giving him the advantage, but he knows he has to keep moving. He has no plan. He thinks about an escape pod, but doesn’t know if the ship has one. If he can find a pod, how will he outrun a ship? His momentary clarity of mind stole over by improbability and impending failure. His heart starts beating faster and he realizes that the walls are closing in on him. His body tenses and he straightens his fingers until they hurt, clawing at the wall trying to escape, but his mind will always be more powerful. It will crush him. His future is his cell. He is and always will be trapped.

He struggles toward the vents exit. His breathing comes in heavy gasps as he holds his throat. He has to escape the confinement. He moves quickly through the tightness of the vent, emerging on the other side of the entrance. The corridor is deserted and the blaring alarms numbed now to his ears. He walks leaving a trail of bloody footprints behind him, using the wall to stabilize himself. His hand smearing the wiped off blood along the wall as well, leaving a trail for his captors. Then, he sees a tall pale yellow creature. He screams at it and charges with teeth bared. The creature takes a step back. It fires, missing the first shot and still stepping back. It fires again the shot grazing his thigh. He stumbles towards the pale creature. His nails outstretched trying to dig at the thing before him, but its massive hand smacks his falling body, sending him against a corner. His back smashes into the wall. He stands and runs around the corner, opening a door at the other side. The creature chases him. It is faster, but will not reach him in time.

He sees three other Hen’ethen surrounding a pillar of white faded blue light, working to sustain the beam. The pulsing of the energy draws him in like a bug. The creatures all run to catch him, but he will not stop. If they will not let him live, he will not let them. He is shot through the side and shoulder, but continues running until his body is encased in the light. He disrupts the beam and particles, shifting the charge and driving the energy to overload, disintegrating him. The quick change in energy and heat erupt the line to the main engines, which cause small explosions that fuel the mass of energy. The ship ignites in a blue flame, quickly extinguished in space.

They are no longer there, just the debris that survived incineration.

He destroyed all evidence of his imprisonment, unknowing it will be needed.   

The Little Suns

** This is a personal experience that defines and describes me growing up**

I sat in the front seat of our maroon Chevy suburban. The shocks didn’t work and the big boat bounced, as we drove to my meeting. Friends asked me earlier that day if I wanted to see a movie I said, “No my family has something weird going on tonight.” I was ashamed to see a shrink. I thought people who saw shrinks were weak minded and needed a ‘mind doctor’ to fix them. Deep down I worried about mental illness or at least instability and I did not want to uncover my instability.

Anxiety developed near the end of my freshman year. The first day of my sophomore year felt horrible and my student ID was a witness, with my grumpy face.

We drove out of town, further than any of us had been before. We turned, no one talked. My sister sat in the back, silent and innocent as my fears increased. I was nervous, so I tricked my mind into relaxing, but it was smarter than me. I looked out the window to distract myself, but it made it worse.

Panic grew in my efforts to calm down. Fear took over like a plague. It griped at my body, starting in my mind. Ferocious, beastlike, with only desires to tear out, and I had no leash. It bit me, and caused me to retreat until I was safe. Safe from people and unwanted attention. The dark became my only escape. This beast didn’t seek me when I was alone and outnumbered. It was the worst kind of monster. Most monsters are afraid of crowds, but this one had no fear. It was greater than fear. It was fear itself, and it hunted me.    

 “Look!” My sister said pointing out the window.

Yellow-gold petals peered at the car as miles of sunflowers faced us. Golden brown fields with hints of green littered the hillside. The sunflowers swayed like a river and for the first time the monster fled. It did have a fear. It was afraid of peace and this field held peace for me. Little suns, captured on green sticks. They lit my soul and warmed my heart, but how long would the feeling last?

The fields would ended and the monster did not return, not immediately.

My nerves calmed as we pulled up to the massive house. Being a shrink paid well, I thought, looking around the high end neighborhood. Maybe I’ll be a shrink someday I thought somewhat joking and somewhat not.

We walked to the door. My mom knocked, because I would not. The door looked expensive and elegant.

I waited in anticipation, picturing her wearing an apron stashed full of surgeon tools. She came and looked normal, too normal. She looked like a simple stay at home mom, but she was still different. She could read minds, at least that was her job and I didn’t want her reading mine.

She indicated for us to enter. The house was decorated well, but was it a ploy, disguising the secrets occurring behind the curtain of normality?

She led us to a little room with an archway instead of a door. I sat and relaxed, but not for long.

“Well Travis, do you have any questions before we begin?” I shrugged. I had too many questions, but I wasn’t going to start asking them.

“Okay well we are going to go to another room and we will start.” She said. This is a waste I thought. I stood, glanced at my mother. She knew what I was thinking and she encouraged me to go by nodding her head.

Hundreds of books were organized on the shelves of the office. How could someone need that many books? She indicated to a big brown chair. I thought I would be lying down. Normally shrinks had brown leather bed couches, the chair reclined though, so maybe it’s the same.

“Travis, I want to teach you a few techniques. They will help you fight anxiety and stop panic attacks. We start by breathing, slow deep rhythmic breaths. This will help calm your body and mind. Once you get the breathing down, I’ll show you how to create a safe place to go in your mind.”

I breathed like instructed, and that was all I focused on. It became my silent isolation and quiet redemption.

She said “Think about the worst panic attack you’ve had. We are going to reconstruct the memory.” She taught me to lie to or trick myself. It must only work when you are breathing correctly, I thought mocking her structure. She was a human programmer. My father was a computer programmer, they do the same thing? Her exercises were odd, but they were working.

Her voice was calming and peaceful. I started to fall asleep, so I stirred and moved. I didn’t want to relax too much. She noticed my movements and told me to relax. She said “don’t forget your breathing techniques even if you are close to sleep.” Did she want me sleep, so she had an easy paid session?

“Now you have the breathing down and we restructured some memories, let’s move on.” She continued. “Find a happy place. What is in that happy place? Don’t tell me just think of it.” I tried and found one “This place needs to be a secret and safe place that no one knows about except for you. Where is it? What does it look like? Think of the colors, the warmth, maybe even the season if it is outside. Let me know when you have it. Take your time.”

I was a painter with a blank canvas and too many ideas. I saw clouds, birds, bees, trees, ants, me, slow down… “Not all at once. I am a painter, painting takes time.” I said to myself. The scene was setting. The crowning piece formed as golden little suns on green stems. The sunflower fields traveled for miles. They swayed while caressing the hills. “I’ve got my place.” I said.

The session lasted an hour, but cost a lot, not just money, but embarrassment. My parents did not tell me the cost, but I knew it was a lot, which made me feel guilty and weak. They had to spend their money because I was weak and scared.

I was grateful that I had a strategy now. I left confident I had the ticket to win now, well at least a plan. I could beat the monster. I just needed to carry those little suns in my minds, in my happy place.

In the car once again we drove back past the sunflowers which were facing away after a long day of chasing the sun. I uttered a loud noise, it came from excitement, but my mother said “That sounded like an Indian,” so the ride home we patted our mouths and pretended to be Indians. Our chant called to my heart “you are normal.” I would make sure to prove my normality.  

The Long Lit Candle

Arthur Wright was born in 1749 and survived for decades. He made it through wars and revolutions, all because of a candle. He was trained to keep the perpetual flame lit, so it might refuel his soul.

It was 1769 and he was twenty. He was young, handsome, full of life and potential when he first received the candle. He went to town during market, and as he walked around carelessly, a man grabbed him. He pulled him into an alley and whispered "How would you like to live forever?” The question was so absurd Arthur became entranced in his story. The man explained how the candle he held could give life to the person who cared for it. The candle was not to burn thin or empty. He explained how the candle needed to burn frequently and only when he worked the wick, the wax, and slept should the flame be allowed to be extinguished. Arthur worked laboriously with the candle his entire life. 

He was in most mentions an old man by now, although young in appearance you could see his experience. His face showed age, dishevelment, and deep loss, but it was oddly hidden in the depths of his newly cracking skin. He looked dead, but full of life. He did not notice the deception in his young face, maybe because it looked so familiar.

He occurred a swarm of property and wealth in his lifetime, but he felt he had little to show for it. Many people who knew him called him a hermit. He sat in his darkened study, which was shelved with books, some as old as him, watching and working the candle. There were times he stayed up late and watched the candle’s flickering flame. He slept very little and ate even less.

Arthur thought many times of putting the candle out and leaving it behind. He could never bring himself to do it. He told himself it was due to the candles beauty, but he knew that was a lie. He lived too long, learning how to run from death. He distanced the rapidly changing world and its society. He knew he didn't belong, but he questioned if he belonged in the other world to come. That though, was another issue he tried to avoid.

He stood and walked to the flame. He didn't know if it was early or late, but it didn't matter. He sat at the round Victorian table he carved, the candle rested in the center.

He pulled out his tools, blew the flame out gently to let the wax settle. He needed the wax cool so he could work it. He began to braid thin pieces of clothe together and intertwined foreign materials as he went. He mastered the art of wick making and wax molding, to the point where he could make the candle burn slowly and as strong as possible.

The candle’s wax settled and the wick lay ashen. He took a thin metal carving tool and meticulously trimmed the wax back, exposing the wick. He cut the singed end off before weaving the new wick onto the old. He used wax to help hold the knotted and intertwined pieces together. He reworked the fading wax, adding more and more until he was satisfied. His days repeated for far too many years.

Arthur did not leave his house for months at a time. Living slightly in the country was his only reassurance in this world. He began to wonder, like he often did, what it would be like to have done something great in life. He wanted to travel the world, and see the great monuments, but he was too old for that now. Too much of his time was spent caring for the candle, worrying about the fuel that filled his soul. He knew he didn't need to spend as much time working the candle. It took care of itself, burning strongly without him. It would last a long time before he needed to rework it, but it comforted him to watch the flame flicker and play out the story of his life. 

Today he planned to put the candle out and walk away, but like always he remained seated. The sun rose and he knew it was morning. He strained mentally, trying to force his body to move. He needed to at least try to put the candle out and let it go, but his mind wouldn’t let him.

 He remembered the day he received the candle, and part of him wished he never had, but then he said to himself, “It gave me so much potential in life.” That was the moment his body worked for him. He stood grabbed the newly worked candle and blew it gently out. He walked to town and stood back in an alley watching the crowd. He saw many young people, but no one stood out, then he saw him. A young handsome man, who walked around casually and upright. He knew the young man had the world at his feet. Arthur grabbed the ardent boy and whispered “How would you like to live forever?”

He explained the significance of the candle and how to care for it, and as he was about to leave he called back “don’t forget to live your life well!” 

Of Little Dreamers

Hope is fleeting

Especially in dreams.

They come, they go.

Sometimes never to come again.

What causes us to dream?

Or wake?

Especially when the dream is nicer.

Little babies dream like us.

Maybe even the same dreams.

They must,

Because they smile while asleep.

The Red Planes

In the air, oh so far away

Little red planes had flown our way.

When they were close we could see

the little dark crosses on their wings.                    

If we knew then what we know now

we would have hid quicker, better

but as life has it, we stood.

Waiting.

When the planes were close, we knew

LIFE was all. But close at hand.

Craters caused from little bombs

as black as death and murderers.

Crumpled farms and crumpled walls.

Our little village in the hills

not even safe.

-Children trembled in their future nights.

Under rubble lied belongings.

Piled higher than the wreck.

Buried there were dreams and hopes,

some to be recovered,

but never peace of mind.

Children still played,

but not as rambunctiously.

Taking such innocence in life

not just from the wounded,

but those who have caused harm.

Trained in youth to wound

and then coerced to kill!

Life is but a fragile thing.

It can be shattered, broken,

it can collapse in all at once

to suffocate and take away.

Breathe!

Childhood has long gone,

no longer do the flowers smell.

No longer can our feet feel grass.

Painless, painful.

How to be redeemed?

From depths to far

so very much unknown.

To feel once more like before.

When loud noises are heard

the adults go running.

They hide before their children,

so they might live and still be with them.

The only worry is, 
what if their children don’t make it?

Who would they live for then?

When the little red planes left,

after dropping their bombs,

they left heavier.

Carrying dreams,

hopes and aspiration.

Leaving behind 
the weightless
remnants of fear.
That is what war is, 
endless loosing.

Forlorn

             I stepped into professor Randal’s office. I looked around for any sign of money or valuables. I was always known for being a good kid, but I was good at hiding my intentions. I figured it was okay to make a different legacy for myself than what people wanted. Given the fact that no one has ever looked after me, why should I look out for them?

When I was four, I was taken to the foster system. I can’t remember anything before that and have tried to forget everything since. I had nothing to tell me about my family. All I had when I entered were bruises, well that’s what they told me at the home.

I had never directly been involved with the law, at least never got caught. I was good at covering my tracks.

            

            I heard a click behind me. The noise startled me as I spun toward the door where the noise came from.

“Oh! Mr. Randal you startled me.”

            

            “What are you doing?” He questioned.

            

            “I heard you wanted to speak to me.” It was the first thing that came to mind. It was always better to throw the conversation back on them, make them feel like they have to come up with a reason.

            

            “Who told you that?”

            “Ms. Larney” I picked the weirdest teacher I could think of, it would make it more believable. “She said you were looking for me.”

            “How did you get in?” I smiled momentarily as I understood Mr. Randal was not a fool.

            “Through the door. Well, if you weren’t looking for me I will just go.”

            Quickly, before I could react, Mr. Randal reached across the room and grabbed my head in the palm of his hand. A surge of energy coursed through me. It felt like the rushing of cool water through my veins. Little violent shocks ran about my body upon his contact. My vision was distorted and all saw were blurry images.

I didn’t know how long that occurred, but it was odd. I had a deep feeling that I went somewhere else entirely. I left his office, but not physically, more so in my mind. I saw my life passing before me. Images and emotions flew past; even physical pain coursed in my joints, simulating severe growing pains. I saw people who I felt strong attachments to, but never met. Then as briefly as they came they were ripped away.

One image, so far the most vivid and powerful dominated my mind. I sat in a hard backed wooden chair, in an elegant room. The chair was the only part of the room not lavishly decorated, the molding was carved with intricate circled patterns and the armchairs against the wall were cushioned and made of exquisite leather. Before me sat a panel of men. They wore suits and although it was not dark they faces were shadowed. Every person I had seen so far their faces were recognizable, but not these ones. They were upset and it was at me. Every instinct told me to move, but no matter what I thought my legs remained stuck to the sunlit marble floor.

“Don’t lie to me!” One man screamed as he stood.

I scampered to my feet and knocked the chair to the ground as I ran from them, but I heard a screaming shot and I fell. The floor was hard and the vision was beginning to fade, as a stream of blood began to stretch past my face. Everything went black and red.

The images had ended and Professor Randal was holding my arm supporting my weight. I was back in his office.

“Are you okay?” he asked looking at me oddly.

“Yea, just a dizzy spell.” Did he have a clue what happened?

“Okay, well just go take a seat then.” I politely excused myself. I assured him I would be okay as I left.

It seemed as though years had passed, but it was just moments from what I gathered.

            I have heard so many people say that if they saw their future they would change it. I myself believe that is not true.

My name is Matthew Larkin and I had the chance to change mine, but ignored my warning and believed it was just a dream.